Hi honey,how are you?
While I am writing this,I am in United Kindom.It's autumn now.The leaves are falling in everywhere.The world look so..'brown'..While I am writing this,you are not yet born into this world.You might be somewhere in other world.I am not yet married,not yet become pregnant and still just a teenager.Just a normal teenager.Single.Unmarried.
I kept on wondering how you might look like?I haven't found anyone to marry yet.So still couldn't imagined your face,your skin and your personality.FYI,mom found it difficult to accept anyone for now.Plus,I am not yet ready to get married for Im having quite a lot of issue in my life now.I want to study hard and be the best person and marry the best person.So your father must be very special.I want the best for our future.I don't want you to end up growing up like me,seeing my parents fighting since early age.I want you to grow up being pious and cheerful.
You might be wondering why I am writing this now?Well,I thought one day as I get older,I might not understand anymore how it feels like to be in this age.We might fight everyday.I might be nagging all the time.I might not be able to understand you anymore.So I hope,this letter will provide you some comfort.Me,myself find my life getting tougher with every passing year..
You know what,sometimes I wonder if you'll get my personality. Im sorry if you do.My personality is quite tough to handle..I am stubborn and determined person.I am an introvert and not really an outgoing person.I daydream a lot and quite a poetic person.I like to keep things bottled up and push people away.I am so afraid of getting hurt and ended up hurting more..People found it really difficult to understand me..I am not famous.You too,might not..But we are happy being with the people who love us.
You might found yourself blaming people for failing to understand you even though most of the time you are the one who avoid giving explanation.You are too afraid of people seeing that broken side of yours.You are afraid of not being loved anymore.So you leave them..You might think that people hurts you so its better to be alone.Well,you know what?There are some people you need to discard from your life but there are people you should never push away.Because these people actually love you.They actually do.
Honey as time passes by ,life changes..People come and go.Yasmin Mogahed,a psychologist during this time said 'the world is perfect except that it is not.'Never put your love towards the world more than your love towards Allah.Because we,human are fragile.Our heart doesn't have the capabilities to withhold the love towards this world unless we strengthen it with sincere love towards our god.He is the source of all strength and happiness.He can provide you with anything you could never imagined of..Despite of writing this now,I found it difficult to really love HIM the way he deserves.But I want you to be better than me.Give me something I can present to my lord so that I can make up all the things I am lacking.
I had seen how my life had turned upside down when I neglected him.I felt ashamed of reading and memorizing his words for my heart was full of sins.I felt the hypocrisy building up inside me.I spent so much time doing things which displeased him.I kept of sinning and sinning but He is the most merciful.He deserves our tears.'Talk to him'.He will listen.Dont be like me..I'd wasted huge proportion in my life being neglectful of his commands.
You might,at times wondering 'where is god?".Sometimes you feel like everything your life is collapsing and he seems to be not listening.But he listened.He always do.We will be tested until we finally return to him.Don't doubt him.Know that,me myself might disappoint you at certain points in life.But he never will.I know how it feels like when it seems like everything in this life disappoint you.Trust me,I know how it feels like to feel so alone.It will hurt.And I don't want you to feel the same way.Because indeed,we are never alone.As long as we don't leave Allah.
How's your study?I'd always thought ,that I will be the best person who you will look up to..I might not end up being famous or rich..We might suffer financial issues,or I might be too busy to look after you.I might get too carried away with my work but you should know something.I want to be rich so that one day you can choose to study the things you like most without having to think whether it will give you enough salary to sustain your lifestyle.Remember that money is not everything.It's just a tool.It shouldn't be your purpose.Even if you're being paid well,give charities and help people.Don't live you life for the sake of your own good.All wealth belongs to Allah.
Always remember to do things you like most,as long as it doesn't cost you your faith to Allah.
At this age,Im sure you have someone you like.He must be handsome right?He must be an intellgent guy ,I assume?Or at least someone you can look up to.Perhaps he'd always listen to your problems.Perhaps he'd treated you nicely.Or perhaps,he is too pious that he didn't even looked at you in the eyes.I won't blame you for liking anyone.And don't be afraid to tell me about him.That's fine.Loving someone is never a wrong thing.But be careful in handling your heart.It's delicate.It's fragile.It contains your love towards your god.Don't break it.Don't let your faith to Allah spill out.Don't let him take Allah's position in your heart.Don't do things that compromise your relationship to Allah.I'd committed that mistake few times in life.I was too carried away with it that it almost made me compromising my stands.But I let him go for Allah's sake.And Allah rewarded me by showing me who he really was.Sometimes we're too blinded by our love to something.Don't get fooled by our desire.
In short,if you have to make choices,choose the one that pleases Allah most.You'll never regret that.
This life is a journey,just because you had fallen once,it doesn't mean that you cannot rise back.There might be something down there which you need to have in order to rise back.Nothing happen without a reason.And again,this journey is the journey towards the eternal life..Don't mind too much about what came or will come along the way.If you lose someone,let them go.If you get heartbroken,seek the cure from Allah.He is all knowing and all seeing.To him,we will return.
Whitworth Art Gallery,Manchester